Here you will find my rants about everything.
13/11/2022
Sage, you've probably been clicking around here for a while. I've spent a lot of time learning how to do all this, but my coding isn't very good, so I'm sorry if anything isn't working. I remember how you mentioned that we should start a neocities page together, and how you wanted to start a blog. I thought that if I learnt how to code, you would find value in me to keep me around so you can make a page. I also wanted to show you how much I care about us. I'm so sorry for how I've acted up until now. breakups are so hard. I haven't gone out by myself, I haven't talked to anyone. god, it's so lonely. And usually I like being alone, but now that you're gone it's a different kind of lonely. My therapist told me I'm grieving, which is apparently just feeling bad but more crippling. Usually you only grieve over dead people. They also said I'm very articulate, but I guess when you're around someone you don't really know you try to make yourself seem smarter for the sake of not looking stupid. I was never articulate with you, but I wish I could have been. I feel like this all could have gone differently if I had been better at communicating. I think of you ever night, and I cry. I hope you're not feeling this way. It's pitiful and debilitating. I feel so uselessfor myself. I haven't been feeling better at all. It's upsetting that you were my only source of comfort, everything I do now doesn't bring me the joy it once did.I just wish this didn't happen. I wish we worked it out. I'm sorry.
18/11/2022
It's probably a bit sad, but I keep talking to myself and telling really funny jokes then looking to the side as if you're there and you'll laugh. God, I miss your laugh so much. I'm reading Punpun at the moment. I've been thinking about you a lot. A lot of bad things honestly. About how if you truly loved me you would have given us another chance. I don't think you loved me. I think you broke up with me because you started developing feelings for someone else and you didn't want to feel guilty. I hope that isn't true but it's all I've been thinking about. I guess I was never truly worthy of your love.
Writing this later in the night, but I forgot to mention that my mother recently got news that she might need to start chemotherapy. She has a lesion on the front of her brain. You probably couldn't have left me at a worse time haha. My mother is all I have right now. Apparently the doctor said it isn't lethal, but she has been getting worse very rapidly. I don't want to lose her. I won't have anyone if I lose her. Jesus christ.